OCIP.

MORE TO COME.

i shall start updating this blog again!

holiday, has passed for like few weeks, left with like less than one month to go..

hmm.. its been like "GREAT"?

i dont know..

i've been feeling so empty, not that it has no purpose or meaningless, just that, i dont feel the love from people around me i supposed.

things are drifting apart. 

friends are there, yet we just seems to be moving away..

so closed, yet so empty in the inside..

talking lesser and lesser.. 

I'm wondering how long this will last for to..

its like, "just no topic to talk about" kind..

hmm.. as much as i'm getting closer with the 1403 peeps, i wanna to stay close with korem peeps too..

i guess u will never be able to get the best of both world?

i keep on giving words of encouragement, i keep on comforting people, yet i can't even make myself happie..

actually not really, i'm a happie girl..

but at some point in life, i still feel jealous of what others have which i don't.

hmm..

its in human's blood, i guess.

we like to compare, and this comparisons are the ones that make us unhappie..

nevermind, skip that.

so, i went for OCIP for 7 days, went to Penang.

i still have 1k of photos to upload, waiting for Randy though..

hoho

today while commenting on Albin's status, i realised that everyone has their own story to tell, might be their past, might be their downturns, anything else. 

someone smiling so widely, happily, yet they are suffering so much in the inside.

i wish i can help them, though nothing much i can do..

as much as i wanna be a psychologist, though i don't even think that i'm born to be one, i just wanna people around me to know that i care for them, alot.

its not because of curiousity, kepo-ness, but simply cause i care.

today, jovian randomly said "GOODNIGHT" to me on FB, i thought he was one evil ice king at first, but at least, we talked a lil, its a good start i guess.

how people react now, in the present, is the effect of what had happened to them in the past.

eventually.

i'm getting sick of all this, seriously.
ever consider my feeling?
of course you don't right.
all those threatening.
all those quarreling.
all those stupid little things.
don't you get sick of it?
i do.
aaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh.
i want to scream out loudddd!!!!
why..
why..
why..
yeah, u said it as though i cant be bothered with it.
u said it til its so indifference.
u said it til i'm so heartless.
seriously, ever consider my feelings?

i really hate u.
the day, ever since u came to my life, oh well,u are not part of it okay.
nowadays i cry too often, i get sick too often of all this.
why bother about me then?
seriously, can we like just end all this?
sick of you.
seriously.
arrrggh!!!!!!

as much as i want to say that i'm not affect by it, i still cant.
just as i feel a little grateful for things are getting better, i was wrong.
just as i feel a little better with the fact that i won't be seeing you already, i was wrong.

i get upset so often that sometimes i don't even know why i'm holding on so much.
i get angry so often that sometimes i don't even know why i got so worked up.
i'm feeling so weak when i know this is my strength.
i must hold on.
i can't give up.
i'll get better, i'll feel better.

i'm feeling so sick.
yet, i still believe things will get better, eventually.

will you?

Disappointed? Yeah.
Angry? Yeah.
Sad? Yeah.
Excited? Yeah.
Happie? Yeah.
But yet, i'm speechless.

I wasn't born to make people happie, but why do i care so much whether they are happie or not.
Every since u came into my life, i find it comfortable n it feels good talking to you.
Are u gonna leave just like the previous one?
Are you gonna do the same thing?
I'm scared.
I have this fear.
And it seems that what i fear of the most gonna happen soon.
Prove to me that i'm wrong.
Show me.

You make it all better.
You bring smile to my dull day.
You accompany me during my sleepless nights.
You bring laughter to my days.
You talk to me.
You are great.

Will you leave?
How do you feel?
Why do i even care when you said you were unwell?
Just the normal care n concern as i always show to the others?
Why? 
Why did we even get close?
Why did you even cross my path?
What if things change again just like before?
Are you gonna live?
Question after question..
How do i get the answer?
Why didn't you take the initiative ?

does anyone even care? Emo much.

Alot of thoughts going thru my mind..
After keep on tryin for millions of times, people do get tired isnt it?
I'm supposed to b asleep, since an hour ago..
Yet, i just felt like being pull down, deeper n deeper to this unhappieness of life.
As much as i try to be happie, people start to take it for granted.
My effort put in to make this family keep going, yet people starts to give up in it.
Where r u guys now?
Given up?
Can't be bothered?
Why?
Is it that easy when you said u dont care?
Why can't i do the same?
Exams in 2 days time, but do you even care?
Do you even care about how i feel?
Why can't i just have a normal life like others?
Ever thought about how many times i want to end this whole freaking life?
Ever thought of how much i have kept inside within me?
Ever thought of how long have i hold on to things that i shouldn't?
Ever thought of how much hurt i'm suffering coz of what you have done?
Ever thought whether i'm happie or not?
Is this what you call home?
Is this what you call family?
Is this what you call happiness?
When its just full of sorrow, sadness, unhappieness, selfishness, couldnt care-less people. 
I'm sick n tired of this.
When you need me, you ask for me.
When you need me, you order me around.
When you dont need me, you blame me for every single stupid thing you can come out with.

Why did you even bother to bring me to life?
Why am i even born?
How long more will this go on like now?
How long more do i have to go through this all alone?

JESS.

DEAR JESS..
SORRY YEAH.
DONT MEAN TO DISAPPOINT YEAH, I KNOW U ARE IN ME. ;(
AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH....
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY EITHER..
FEELING SO BADDDDDDDD RITE NOWWW.. ;( ;( ;(

DAD.

I MISS U, DAD.
THOUGH U MIGHT NOT KNOW THIS.
THOUGH WE ARE NOT CLOSE.
THOUGH WE DONT MEET OFTEN.
THOUGH WE ONLY TALK TO EACH OTHER ONCE IN AWHILE.
THOUGH U ARE NOT ALWAYS THERE FOR ME.
THOUGH U DONT PROVIDE FOR THIS FAMILY.
THOUGH U ARE LIVING ALL ALONE NOW.
BUT STILL, I MISS U.
I HOPE U ARE DOING GREAT THERE.
ARE U MISSING ME TOO?

FATHER'S DAY IN 2 DAYS TIME.
MISS U DAD, HAPPIE FATHER'S DAY IN ADVANCE.

; When I miss you, I don't have to go far ... I just have to look inside my heart because that's where I'll find you.

MST, PRETTY SOON.

MST COMING PRETTY SOON..

ARRGGGHH!

JUVE, USE UR TIME WISELYYY!

N YEAH, I'VE BEEN TALKING TO HIM..

N HE IS EASY GOING, I GUESS. 

WILL THIS LASTS?

childish or wat.

YEAH RIGHT.
YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST K.
DID U GUYS EVEN BOTHER TO LISTEN?
COMPLAINING IS DIFFERENT FROM VOICING OUT OUR OPINIONS K.
HOW OFTEN DO U GUYS GOSSIP BOUT OTHERS?
ASK YOURSELF THAT QUESTION.
HOW OLD ALREADY STILL SO CHILDISH.
GO N CRY K.
ARRRGGHHH
TODAY SUPPOSEDLY IS A GOOD DAY K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

i'm never alone.

i'm hoping for things get better.
u have changed.
yet, i'm trapped.

cute. ;D

saw this picts today.

i wanna travel.

my heart is insecure.

i'm tired.

the guys have been away for 2 days.

17 days to me going back to indo.

dream+high1C

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please be more considerate.

; Don't do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you.

so true.

its like, if u dun like to do it, what makes u think others will like it?

if u dun like to study, there are even more thousands of people who do not like it.

if HE can dun care, why cant i?

why must it be me the one who everytime giving in?

i know this sounds like so "STUBBORN", after all i learn this from u guys, it runs in the blood?

too bad.

i cant be bothered anymore.

its because of that, u guys take it for granted, okay.

i got weary of it and cant be bothered anymore now.

thank you very much for your co-operation, each day i just hate you even more.

blame blame blame. demand demand demand.

seriously, get urself a life.
STOP DEMANDING.
u expect people to do this n that, have u consider others' feelings yet???
DONT U THINK U ARE SELFISH?
ARRRGGHHHHH.
when people make time, got prepared to go, what is ur reply?
u said u want to go on your own rite?
so what is this now?
THIS HAS NO LINK TO ME WHAT SO EVER K, dont blame it to me k.
i cant be bothered with this things anymore.
for i'm already numb, with this stupid things.
seriously, i hate it okay.

Silence is a girl's loudest cry.

no matter how talkative or noisy or transparent a girl is, there are things that they keep to themselves.

no one knows about it.