Amazing love.

Dear God,

Thank You for everything until this very seconds.

Your abundant love, your never ending protection, the blessings You showered us with, Your promise.

I do long for people around me to know about You, especially mom and dad.
Though it seems impossible but everything is possible for You, God.
no matter how small the possibility it, I'm still holding on to it, that's faith, right?

my prayers:
- Mom's condition to stabilize
- Get connected and closer to Dad, stop blaming him about her.
- My grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, family that is in indo.
- Stop 'discussing' about people around me.
- Ci Rita, cc KTB, hvn't been talkin to her but she is very good to me. God do her, be it when she is facing difficulties or when she is doing her normal stuff daily.
- Ci Amel, the current cc KTB. so far, she is very nice too. I admire her relationship with You, God. I pray for her job and also her relationship with her husband, family and colleagues.
- I'm praying for judith, she is one of my bestfriend, who i can really talk to. Thank You, God for her! :) she is in the midst of
finding her Mr.Right, If the guy she is in contact with currently, is not the right one, do show her a sign God. guide her through, never let go of her hands. Thank You, Lord.
- i pray for Mitzi, who is still unsure of what the future will be like. whether she will be able to get a job in singapore or must she go back to indo for good. You are the one in control, God. wherever it is, I believe Mitzi's plan is beautiful at your timing. Thank You for the past time, when I have the chance to get to close with her, to know her even more. :)
- I pray for fina, though we feel close but we dont really update each other about everything. thats enough though, friends are who u feel comfortable with even in silence. ;) i pray for her studies, God and in her service towards You.
- I pray for my sis, God. though Angel & I is not close like any other siblings but i jst want her to know that I do love her. though there will be times when she is acting like the most annoying sister eer, childish ttm but she is still my sister. I pray for her studies, work, her long distance with kev n u God. Last but not least, for her to realise on her own attitude when she is at home.
- I pray for bro. i don't have a clue at all on what is in his mind but I believe God, everything that has happened in his life up to this very moment, It is all good in ypur eyes. though we are far apart and i've never mention this to him but I don't regret having him as my bro. Take gold care of him, God.
- I pray for my overseas friends and those at indo, Cher, Sara, luci, Jean, Clement, Eci, vin, goat, tom, will, yel, lis, pril, valen, mar, melati, yenny, jenlyn, nelly, seni, charles, irfan, HC, HG and all those that I didn't mention God. You know who they are, every single of them. I pray for their studies, work and their well being over there, God.

Thank You for being such a good God.

tired, ashamed, overwhelmed with all these emotions.

Dear God,
here am I surrendering all these overwhelming emotions to You.
Again, it is so tiring to hate him, God.
What should i do?
it feels as though there is no way for me to accept him ever in my life.
though You said that we are supoosed to even treat our enemies the way we treat ourselves, loving them as though they are our friends. but God, it is very tiring.

Why must I even have him in this life of mine?
i don't understand.
and to make it worse, mom is so into him.
i do feel embarrased, ashamed.
especially recently when we discussed about this topic during KTB.
How am I supposed to share about it?!
sis n bro may be ignorant about it, God.
maybe i'm too sensitive or making a big fuss out of nothing, but I just cant accept the fact that he exists.

how long more, God?

We just go on - Pixie Lott

What happens when the water runs away?
What happens when the sunlight starts to fade?
What happens when I love you comes to late?
When things go wrong, we just go on

What happens when you got no more to give?
What happens when there's nothing left to live for?
What happens when the one you love is not the one you're with
When things go wrong, we just go on

No ones scared of flying, were just scared of crashing down
No ones scared of falling, were just scared to hit the ground
Even if your heart gets broke, you're stronger then you'll ever know
When things go wrong, we just go on

What happens when your best is not enough?
What happens when your soul mate is already in love?
How you meant to pick the pieces up
When things go wrong, we just go on

No ones scared of flying, were just scared of crashing down
No ones scared of falling, were just scared to hit the ground
Even if your heart gets broke, you're stronger then you'll ever know
When things go wrong we just go on

We don't need much, much of anything no
Just the hope of what tomorrow brings X2

What happens when your lucky numbers wrong?
What happens when you lose someone you've always counted on?
What happens when it feels like life's just stringing you along?
When things go wrong, we just go on
When things go wrong, we just go on

count your blessings, not your problems.

Dear God,
it's just me writing to You.
though I know I break the promise I made to You, but I'm learning.
it's last three days of work, Have I made the right decision?
Mom is so not gonna be happy about it but yeah, I've decided.
after all, 6 weeks of hols, taking a week break is pretty reasonable right?

apart from that, "loving our enemies as how we love ourselves".
It's so difficult.
I guess I'm a pretty easy going person somehow but i'm just quiet when it comes to making friends with new people in a new environment, if u get what I meant.

well, things have been great.
with great friends meet up here and there once in awhile, with doing comm service even if i don't really contribute much but simply making the time to be there does make a difference, things with mom is going good too despite the fact that i got all worked up when she has done something stupid like buying she doesnt even need. sounds like I'm the mom? oh well.

this break, i've learned lots of stuff, learning to open up. learning to accept certain things are not gonna change.

simplicity is the key. things can be enjoyable and memorable simply when u are spending your time with your closed ones.

last but not least, I've decided to apologise to sis. it's been sometimes but still, I have to do it anyway as i was the one in the wrong.

okay, here comes the giddiness from reading, typing and facing downwards on the train.

Thanks, God!

with lots of love,
J. <3

what's next?

Dear God,
It's 10 after One, Monday.
There are so many things that are running through in my mind.
My head hurts at times, that is how extreme it can be.
complicated? no, if i was to compare with others' lives.
but then again, what's the point of comparing my story with others' ?
the question that I will ask myself when I'm faced with the downturn of my happy life is " Why did You allow all this, God? "
that's when my selfishness starts to come in and take over the wheel and I began to question even more.
sometimes, I want to give so badly, but I will learn to listen to His Voice and try to give it another try.
most of the time, in the end, things got worst.
I'm tired, God.
when I think it has all over, things are getting better yet it is happening again and again.
How long more anyway?
sometimes, all i ask for is just for people around me to be more understanding, is it to much to ask for?
Things on my mind:
- guilty towards sis.
- how to talk to bro.
- what's next, dad?
- why mom cares more about outsider.
- what's my plan after completing the last sem in poly.
- church stuff.
- things are falling apart with friends.
- work.


I am so tired of all the thinking.

Joint I&I.

Dear God,
yesterday was Joint I&I for S.I.A, SP, Unity Eagles and Singapore Shelton. ;)
things went wrong here and there but we got through it til the very last. ;D

i realised that (nah, it's confirmed somehow), i'm not the extrovert kind. o may start convo here and there with u, but There might be a lil awkwardness here n there. hoho

being a volunteer, my main purpose is not to be recognised here and there. not to be popular so as to be liked or whatever. but plainly to help the less fortunate, to give back to the society.

i'm not a social person, who goes around entertaining people.

i'm not a promoter, who goes around sharing about stuff.

i'm not a ready leader yet, who goes around talking about events and i can't make decisions for myself.

i'm not a superwoman, i'm just a normal girl who likes to volunteer.

i'm glad that i'm in Leo. things changed but i've grown. learning from all the mistakes i made along the way and to improve on myself.

okay, lots u guys.
Love You, Lord.
lots of love.

J. <3 class="separator" div="div" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">

Those moments in life when you don't even know what's your purpose of living.

day by day, going through the same routines, trying to break through. Challenging yourself to let go of the past, move on and look forward to the future.

"ultimately people do get tired." that's how i'm feeling right now.

l think it's because i'm a more emotional or sensitive person. i am not a good person. not literally, but things are just breaking apart.

you and me.

August, Sunday.
Dear God,
it's been a month or so since we last texted.
so, History is repeating itself again?
i was expecting more than that.
true that, no expectations, no disappointments.
like seriously.

at the other hand, I think he is going in to NS soon, like in 2 days time or what.
i don't even know whether I should text him or something.
are u gonna carry on like this til the rest of ur lifeeee?
so much for saying wanna to stay as friends.

okay, whatever. ignore me please. :)

it's gone and left.

Dear God,
it's Sunday, 29th.
on my way to Jojo mom's wake. ;'(
it's a tough year for her, I don't exactly how it feels but God, strengthen her.
She needs You.

though we don't update about each other's lives every single day, we try to meet up once in awhile but we both knows that we have each other.
she is the one that knows how scared i was about mom.
we can relate to each other, though we can do nothing about it but we have each other, and thats all that matters.
we send encouraging texts to each other, making it worthwhile to carry on.

God, I pray for Jojo and her family.
especially her younger sister who is still very young and clinging to her mom.

it's very very tough, to suddenly lost a wife, a mom, a hero in their lives. i can't imagine how painful it is but all of us are gonna to experience this. it's only a matter of time.
for every ending is a new beginning.
things end so that better things can take place.
letting go of what's gone and cherishing the remains.

every second, alot of people are dying somewhere else on another part of the world.

I pray for those who are being left behind.

God, I know You are Great.

Lots of love,
J. <3

whats new.

Dear God,
i really need to straighten out my thoughts and my mood.
it's getting from bad to worse. ;(

I guess it's just this week, when things are continuously bringing me down. when things don't go the way i want it or at least how the ideal way should be. the pushing of responsibility to one another. doing things with no purpose to it. getting tired from all the same routines. arguing and raising our voices without resolving the main problems. running away by keeping ourselves busy.

why can't people be more understanding and think if you are. in my shoes, what would you do?

anyway, i'm otw to church. i'm very lateeee alr. okay, apart from that, on the train. observing this couple. the guy is playing with his phone all along even when the girl was talking to him. the girl looks so excited while the guy was showing indifference look, giving a comment or two and his main attention was on the phone.

guess this is where the prob lies. while gadgets are getting smarter and more advance. human being are ruined by it. less face-to-face communication and that's where problems start coming in.

i'm having motion sickness alr. shall blog again.

though my mood is not that, but thank you, God for still giving me air to breath and everything i need.

lots of love,
J. <3

bobo's bday.

Dear God,
Thank You for another year You have given to bobo. ;)

last Monday we went to Crystal Jade Xiao Long Bao buffet to celebrate her bday! ;)

it's really a blessing to meet her, she never fail to lighten up our moods. hehehe she is such a joker anyway. ;D

though i didn't end well as we didn't know where to head to after meal but what matters most is to have great companions right? ;)

I'm gonna miss my current clique for sure once we graduate.
can't imagine not having constant whatsapp-ing, laughing at our stupid jokes, staying back together, calling each other nicknames, having meals together, gossiping about anythin that we came across. hehehe

anyway, i wish u all the best, bobo!stay happie and cheerful like u always do and don't always keep things to yourself, we, as your sisters are always here for u k! ;)

Glad to have such a good friend like u!
love ya deep deep high high! <3

Thank You, God,
lots of love,
J. <3

i miss sec school.

Dear God,
It's Sunday again.
in a blink of an eye, another week has passed.

yesterday was great, finally met up with the girls; sha, sya and ame. we started reminiscing about how we used to be, laughing about our stupidity and updating each other about our lives.

growing up is pretty scary.

now, we start to think about our future, showing interests towards the opposite party and find the right one.

i have yet to meet mine though. Maybe it's not the time yet, maybe We have yet to cross each others' path or maybe i'm just plain not ready yet.

there'll be times when i envy those couples. what's the use of having a bf anyway? if it's for the fact that to get married and start a family together, isn't it too early to start it now? what if things go wrong, he is not the right one then we break up? isn't thats what happened nowadays? i still don't understand how people can easily change their hearts and say "i love you, bla bla bla" and the next thing we know is they broke up and found a new one.

but at the same time, i long to meet my Mr.Right, someone who is willing to accept me as who i am. someone who i can act silly with, someone who i can trust and we are simply each others' the other halves.

anyway, back to the main topic. i miss secondary school.
now that we are already in poly, itms very difficult to meet up for meals and it's gonna be even more difficult in time to come. ;(
but i really hope that I'll not drift apart from all this awesome people that have crossed the path of my life.

they make me who i am today.
they never leave me.
they are great just the way they are.

thanks, God.
Lots of love,
J. <3

The best i could ever have.

Dear God,
it's Wednesday, half way through this week.
making my way to school as usual, while looking through the photos from the photo taking session yesterday.
there's this barrier in us, 3 years yet we were not as bonded as how we wanted or supposed to be. but, i believe we all have our good n bad moments in poly life.

though DAC/08 wasn't a perfect bonde class as how i once hoped for, but the best i could ever have.

Great Sunday.

Dear God,
it's another brand new week.
i'm glad that i ended my Sunday yesterday with Jess. ;)
went for movie (The Dictator), followed by shopping, starbucks and tried Summer bites (its a new dessert shop at vivo! ;) )

glad that things are back to how it used to be even though certain things have changed.

for things to get better, we've got to put in the effort.