Dear God,
Today i only have CRS class, 3-5pm, but heard that it's gonna end in an hour. It's 3:20pm, guess where am i now? Buona Vista. =.=
Anyway, last night i had dinner with sis at J-Town, initially i was pretty lazy to go to town area, kinda lazy to travel. Hmm.. Had beef noodle and most importantly martabak! HEHEHE guess sis n i, we wont lose this habit of us o go out and eat together but somehow we have more things to talk about with our own friends compared to each other. Somehow, i still enjoy it though. :) we bought new hp casings! ;D
It's raining here now, according to him, it's "comforting rain".
I'm wearing slippers to school, hopefully i won't slip and fall. :)
And i wonder how many people actually come to school today because it's only a lesson. And did i mention that 6th Feb i'll be having audit test? 10 lectures. Good luck yeah.
Gonna change my screen protector later on! Yay! And double happiness, going out with si yin angel later on after class!
Rushing to class!
With lots of love,
J <3
Monday, January 30, 2012
I'm all tired, God
Dear God,
I haven't been sleeping well this few days, all tired though.
And yeah, i have been blogging lesser this two or three days. ;(
I shall not abandon this place, i promise. :)
Hmmm, 2 days ago, went to Albin's house for his advance 20th bday party and also CNY steamboat, before that i went to Hj's house too! :)
Met long-time-no-see sec school friends! ;D travelled quite a distance from Teban Garden to Sengkang, and i was so called "lost" on the LRT. Wasted my time travelling back to Sengkang LRT because i took the wrong loop train. Zzzz ~.~
okayy, shall continue my story again soon! :)
With lots of love,
J <3
I haven't been sleeping well this few days, all tired though.
And yeah, i have been blogging lesser this two or three days. ;(
I shall not abandon this place, i promise. :)
Hmmm, 2 days ago, went to Albin's house for his advance 20th bday party and also CNY steamboat, before that i went to Hj's house too! :)
Met long-time-no-see sec school friends! ;D travelled quite a distance from Teban Garden to Sengkang, and i was so called "lost" on the LRT. Wasted my time travelling back to Sengkang LRT because i took the wrong loop train. Zzzz ~.~
okayy, shall continue my story again soon! :)
With lots of love,
J <3
Friday, January 27, 2012
Shots. Shots. Shots.
Dear God,
Yesterday we (taronk, eve, eve's bf, xj, shu wen, amelia, cailing n her bf) spent our friday night together! ;D initially we went to taronk's house first then went over to eve's house for steamboat, blackjack and drink.
I won $4 from blackjack! Hehehe after all, just for fun only. Apart from taronk, i think i drank the least! Hahaha lucky leh yesterday! ;D n had a super duper full dinner!
Then took cab home with cailing n he bf after sending meiyan's to her block downstairs. N i think they are not very happie for the fact that i don't even know how to go to my own house. Sorry about it, because i really don't know. If i was still staying at taman jurong, i'll know.. ~.~
Guess now i know why people drink, coz when you drink, you get high and you will even reach that extent when you can't remember what you did or say, including what's making you unhappy. As for me, i won't make drinking as a habit, just casual drinking, once in a while with my friends. :)
Today i will be going to hj's house n albin's house for CNY! Not forgetting albin's 20th bday party too! I shall go and prepare nowwww! Going to get his present first then meet meiyan at her house! ;D i've got no idea what to get for guys' presents. =.=
And there are some people who will never change their bad attitude. Zzzzz
Yesterday we (taronk, eve, eve's bf, xj, shu wen, amelia, cailing n her bf) spent our friday night together! ;D initially we went to taronk's house first then went over to eve's house for steamboat, blackjack and drink.
I won $4 from blackjack! Hehehe after all, just for fun only. Apart from taronk, i think i drank the least! Hahaha lucky leh yesterday! ;D n had a super duper full dinner!
Then took cab home with cailing n he bf after sending meiyan's to her block downstairs. N i think they are not very happie for the fact that i don't even know how to go to my own house. Sorry about it, because i really don't know. If i was still staying at taman jurong, i'll know.. ~.~
Guess now i know why people drink, coz when you drink, you get high and you will even reach that extent when you can't remember what you did or say, including what's making you unhappy. As for me, i won't make drinking as a habit, just casual drinking, once in a while with my friends. :)
Today i will be going to hj's house n albin's house for CNY! Not forgetting albin's 20th bday party too! I shall go and prepare nowwww! Going to get his present first then meet meiyan at her house! ;D i've got no idea what to get for guys' presents. =.=
And there are some people who will never change their bad attitude. Zzzzz
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
About everything.
Dear God,
I'm on the way to li yen ii's house, my aunt. Kinda reluctant to go, as i'm not close with my relatives. We are like world apart. I wasn't playing or joking when i told sis n mom that i don't wanna go. I've the rights to decide what i want in life, isn't it?
Just now i cried in my bathroom. I didn't know why i cried either, i'm just really tired. Sick of all those chatterin around me, which i dislike.
About what mom re-married? Dad re-married? Continueing to study? Staying in s'pore or not? How good i was in sec sch? How i've changed? How much mom like bro more than us? About mom's health probs? About religion? About everything, really.
God, i know it's wrong when i started to think to end things. When all those scary thoughts start coming into my mind. Now i know why a lot of people commit suicides. Now i know why people end their precious lives. Now i know why people give up in life.
I'm really tired, God.
I'm on the way to li yen ii's house, my aunt. Kinda reluctant to go, as i'm not close with my relatives. We are like world apart. I wasn't playing or joking when i told sis n mom that i don't wanna go. I've the rights to decide what i want in life, isn't it?
Just now i cried in my bathroom. I didn't know why i cried either, i'm just really tired. Sick of all those chatterin around me, which i dislike.
About what mom re-married? Dad re-married? Continueing to study? Staying in s'pore or not? How good i was in sec sch? How i've changed? How much mom like bro more than us? About mom's health probs? About religion? About everything, really.
God, i know it's wrong when i started to think to end things. When all those scary thoughts start coming into my mind. Now i know why a lot of people commit suicides. Now i know why people end their precious lives. Now i know why people give up in life.
I'm really tired, God.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Diff letter, Same prayer.
Dear God,
Mom is sick again. Til now, i don't understand why must there be sickness? Why can't it be just happie endings to everything? I don't mind sacrificing for her, one less celebrations or two? Or all? I don't mind. I'm used to it anyway. CNY is every year but i've got only one mom. i really wish that one day, soon hopefully, her sickness can all be gone, i know all this can only be possible by You, God. just now she asked me to massage her hands. her hands were very cold, i've this fear in me that i'm scared she will faint again. please God, don't let her fall.
and God, she called me again last night, i thought that call was from Dad.
i miss Dad, a lot.
yesterday i forgot to do something important, i forgot to call dad to say "happie chinese new year" to him. ;( feeling so guilty as i was outside celebrating CNY yet i forgot all about him. what kind of daughter am i?! i wonder how he is doing there. ever since that midnight, i hvn't spoken to him yet.
now i know what it means by "Distance makes the heart grows fonder" i know how it feels that "time can make us forget". as we start to distance and go apart, soon that person will not be in our mind, we won't even remember that person existed in our lives at all, one day, sadly.
i don't wish for that to happen to my life.
because i know each one of them are for purpose to cross the paths in my life, we may be separated but i know we are meant to meet.
Dear God, please take care of my Dad, whenever it is, wherever he is at.
Mom is sick again. Til now, i don't understand why must there be sickness? Why can't it be just happie endings to everything? I don't mind sacrificing for her, one less celebrations or two? Or all? I don't mind. I'm used to it anyway. CNY is every year but i've got only one mom. i really wish that one day, soon hopefully, her sickness can all be gone, i know all this can only be possible by You, God. just now she asked me to massage her hands. her hands were very cold, i've this fear in me that i'm scared she will faint again. please God, don't let her fall.
and God, she called me again last night, i thought that call was from Dad.
i miss Dad, a lot.
yesterday i forgot to do something important, i forgot to call dad to say "happie chinese new year" to him. ;( feeling so guilty as i was outside celebrating CNY yet i forgot all about him. what kind of daughter am i?! i wonder how he is doing there. ever since that midnight, i hvn't spoken to him yet.
now i know what it means by "Distance makes the heart grows fonder" i know how it feels that "time can make us forget". as we start to distance and go apart, soon that person will not be in our mind, we won't even remember that person existed in our lives at all, one day, sadly.
i don't wish for that to happen to my life.
because i know each one of them are for purpose to cross the paths in my life, we may be separated but i know we are meant to meet.
Dear God, please take care of my Dad, whenever it is, wherever he is at.
Boring Wednesday
Dear God,
For today, after going to school just for project, didn't regret it though, less-guilty, i went to amk to get some food to eat then walked home.
It's been quite some time since i last walked home from amk, took me around 15mins or so.. :)
At least it gives some time and space for me to calm myself down, to do some self reflection and some quiet time.
During the project, Clarence who i've never been able to talk with coz he is a genius k! And he has fatherly look! Hahaha okayy, but he is a good person. :) me n him tried to think about the maths part of the project (hopefully it's right! Hehehe), he actually came out of few equations while trying to figure out the answer, looks stressful but i guess life is like that right? We tend to look around, trying hard, thinking 24/7 about the problems but u know what, sometimes thinking in simpler way can solve the problems so much faster. :)
The answers are not always complicated ones.
Wanted to meet mei yan but i'm kinda feel like being alone so i decided not to meet her instead, she went to repair her lappy.
oh yeah, God, i dyed my hair just now! Hehehe ;D
Finally my hair has one colour to it only, compared to previously, don't know how many colours and God, i'n such a forgetful person, i keep on forgetting to call the person to book the appointment! =.=
And before i went to sleep now, i just did sit ups and i hit my head against the wall. =.= bobo or what..
Okay, God, my eyes are closing alr, i'll write again tmr. :)
Night, God.
Thank you for everything; Your Unconditional Love.
With lots of love,
j <3
For today, after going to school just for project, didn't regret it though, less-guilty, i went to amk to get some food to eat then walked home.
It's been quite some time since i last walked home from amk, took me around 15mins or so.. :)
At least it gives some time and space for me to calm myself down, to do some self reflection and some quiet time.
During the project, Clarence who i've never been able to talk with coz he is a genius k! And he has fatherly look! Hahaha okayy, but he is a good person. :) me n him tried to think about the maths part of the project (hopefully it's right! Hehehe), he actually came out of few equations while trying to figure out the answer, looks stressful but i guess life is like that right? We tend to look around, trying hard, thinking 24/7 about the problems but u know what, sometimes thinking in simpler way can solve the problems so much faster. :)
The answers are not always complicated ones.
Wanted to meet mei yan but i'm kinda feel like being alone so i decided not to meet her instead, she went to repair her lappy.
oh yeah, God, i dyed my hair just now! Hehehe ;D
Finally my hair has one colour to it only, compared to previously, don't know how many colours and God, i'n such a forgetful person, i keep on forgetting to call the person to book the appointment! =.=
And before i went to sleep now, i just did sit ups and i hit my head against the wall. =.= bobo or what..
Okay, God, my eyes are closing alr, i'll write again tmr. :)
Night, God.
Thank you for everything; Your Unconditional Love.
With lots of love,
j <3
Thursday, January 19, 2012
TGIF.
Dear God, i have so much things to tell you. Wanted to blog last night but i was too tired to do so. So tired yet i can't sleep. I stayed awake til 5+ this morning.
In the evening, at 11pm, i saw this video posted by "Singaporean". It was about this dog that has been this owner's partner for 19 years. But now he is growing older already, in fact he is dying. (his actual age is 100+).
The story is very sad, i cried like tap water last night and burst into tears afterwards but sis n mom thought it was because the show i initially was watching. But they were wrong, i just simply need to cry my heart out. Nowadays, it's so tiring, very.
You know what, God.
Even at the "death-bed", all that matters to the dog is "is there any stranger around that man? Is he protected? Will he be alright?" now i know why people say "dog is a man's bestfriend". Even their flesh and bloos may abandoned their parents, people will walk out of others' lives without guilt but this dog, he is different, he is very sad that he can't be the man's partner anymore, he even hand his duty to the "new partner".
I feel very shameful of myself, how often do i think about others, treating them as partners. No one left behind, or i'm just a selfish person like any other person, who can't be bothered with my surroundings?
Why is it that some time we treat outsiders, strangers better than our own family members?
Why is it that we lose our calm tenper, we burst into anger when talking to the people we know but endure and be polite to outsiders?
Hypocrite much?!
And last night, she calls again.
She even called mom's hp (due to me using her phone to call that numbwr previously). I don't wanna to drag mom into this, i don't wanna her to know about this at all. I don't even know how to explain it to mom when she keeps on calling, luckily there's bro. He never fails to assure mom that nothing is wrong, he simply knows how to please mom. Even when he has done 101 things wrong, that 1 thing he did right, mom will never say anything wrong about him.
Favouritism?
I've learned to deal with it. After all, i've got all that i needed, why complain?
All that i'm left with is my hope, my wishes.
I want mom to faster recover.
I want dad to be living his life well there.
I want bro to pursue his goals in life .
I want sis to be more mature, stop throwing those unnecessary tantrums. And may bro n sis 's relationships well sailing. (dear god, especially for sis, help her to be accepted in her bf's family. Seems like they have high expectations of her, don't let all this circumstances bring her down).
I pray for each and everyone of my family. To my grandma, may she enjoy her old age, may her children and grand children spend more time with her, paying more attention on her.
To my aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews be blessed always, be in on their studies, works or their own family.
For myself, i hope to find what's my goals in life soon, knowing what i really enjoy doing and making my dreams come true. I guess for now, i just want to help as many people possible. Those in need or simply those who i've yet to meet.
Especially to my close friends who are struggling with their lives, keep on moving k. When the going gets tougj,h, the tough gets going. :)
Love you all.
Thank You God for every single one of them.
With lots of love,
J <3
In the evening, at 11pm, i saw this video posted by "Singaporean". It was about this dog that has been this owner's partner for 19 years. But now he is growing older already, in fact he is dying. (his actual age is 100+).
The story is very sad, i cried like tap water last night and burst into tears afterwards but sis n mom thought it was because the show i initially was watching. But they were wrong, i just simply need to cry my heart out. Nowadays, it's so tiring, very.
You know what, God.
Even at the "death-bed", all that matters to the dog is "is there any stranger around that man? Is he protected? Will he be alright?" now i know why people say "dog is a man's bestfriend". Even their flesh and bloos may abandoned their parents, people will walk out of others' lives without guilt but this dog, he is different, he is very sad that he can't be the man's partner anymore, he even hand his duty to the "new partner".
I feel very shameful of myself, how often do i think about others, treating them as partners. No one left behind, or i'm just a selfish person like any other person, who can't be bothered with my surroundings?
Why is it that some time we treat outsiders, strangers better than our own family members?
Why is it that we lose our calm tenper, we burst into anger when talking to the people we know but endure and be polite to outsiders?
Hypocrite much?!
And last night, she calls again.
She even called mom's hp (due to me using her phone to call that numbwr previously). I don't wanna to drag mom into this, i don't wanna her to know about this at all. I don't even know how to explain it to mom when she keeps on calling, luckily there's bro. He never fails to assure mom that nothing is wrong, he simply knows how to please mom. Even when he has done 101 things wrong, that 1 thing he did right, mom will never say anything wrong about him.
Favouritism?
I've learned to deal with it. After all, i've got all that i needed, why complain?
All that i'm left with is my hope, my wishes.
I want mom to faster recover.
I want dad to be living his life well there.
I want bro to pursue his goals in life .
I want sis to be more mature, stop throwing those unnecessary tantrums. And may bro n sis 's relationships well sailing. (dear god, especially for sis, help her to be accepted in her bf's family. Seems like they have high expectations of her, don't let all this circumstances bring her down).
I pray for each and everyone of my family. To my grandma, may she enjoy her old age, may her children and grand children spend more time with her, paying more attention on her.
To my aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews be blessed always, be in on their studies, works or their own family.
For myself, i hope to find what's my goals in life soon, knowing what i really enjoy doing and making my dreams come true. I guess for now, i just want to help as many people possible. Those in need or simply those who i've yet to meet.
Especially to my close friends who are struggling with their lives, keep on moving k. When the going gets tougj,h, the tough gets going. :)
Love you all.
Thank You God for every single one of them.
With lots of love,
J <3
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Sense of urgency.
Dear God,
Seems like i'm losing it. I'm losing my sense of urgency, is this a sign of me giving up? A sign of me not bothering? A sign of me not gonna do anything about it anymore?
I set my alarms last night, but i forgot that i silent my hp due to watching the "roller coaster" video before that.. =.= so here i'm otw to school, i woke up at 10:26 today when my class is at 10-12pm. Here i'm on the circle line but it's already 11:41am.
I feel like i'm becoming more and more irresponsible nowadays, going to school as though it's a choice when it's supposed to be my duty right as a student.
I promise, i'm gonna catch up during the chinese new year break, as to others, they will be having people to spend their time with, but not me. Gonna have 5 days break (sat-wed!) :)
I miss celebrating CNY at indo, though i'm not close with my relatives and cousins but the feel of having meals together as a family, it's a nice feeling. CNY should be like that right? A house full of chattering, laughter and enjoyment.
I'll be having attachment on march onwards, 8 weeks. Mom n sis might be going back to indo for grandma's bday. The thought of me staying on my own in that house.... U know right, God., without needing me to spell it out word by word here..
After school, hmm.. Nah, after project i mean, might be meeting taronk but i'm still considering though.. Feel like spending time on my own but i'm kinda lazy too. Should i just go home? Feel like getting the beancurd though, but i've got to travel to chinatown and it only opens at like 5+ or 6+ pm.. So what should i do, God? Aniwaey, my plan of going for a jog this morning fails, pretty obvious right.. ~.~
God, please guide me to the right path. Give me that motivation to carry on when everything seems wrong.
Bless the people around me, protect then, be it those that are close to me and as well as those i barely talk to, my acquaintance and also the strangers that i've yet to meet. You're the greatest of all.
Thank You, God for this wednesday, gonna do something meaningful with the rest of my day.
With lots of love,
J <3
Seems like i'm losing it. I'm losing my sense of urgency, is this a sign of me giving up? A sign of me not bothering? A sign of me not gonna do anything about it anymore?
I set my alarms last night, but i forgot that i silent my hp due to watching the "roller coaster" video before that.. =.= so here i'm otw to school, i woke up at 10:26 today when my class is at 10-12pm. Here i'm on the circle line but it's already 11:41am.
I feel like i'm becoming more and more irresponsible nowadays, going to school as though it's a choice when it's supposed to be my duty right as a student.
I promise, i'm gonna catch up during the chinese new year break, as to others, they will be having people to spend their time with, but not me. Gonna have 5 days break (sat-wed!) :)
I miss celebrating CNY at indo, though i'm not close with my relatives and cousins but the feel of having meals together as a family, it's a nice feeling. CNY should be like that right? A house full of chattering, laughter and enjoyment.
I'll be having attachment on march onwards, 8 weeks. Mom n sis might be going back to indo for grandma's bday. The thought of me staying on my own in that house.... U know right, God., without needing me to spell it out word by word here..
After school, hmm.. Nah, after project i mean, might be meeting taronk but i'm still considering though.. Feel like spending time on my own but i'm kinda lazy too. Should i just go home? Feel like getting the beancurd though, but i've got to travel to chinatown and it only opens at like 5+ or 6+ pm.. So what should i do, God? Aniwaey, my plan of going for a jog this morning fails, pretty obvious right.. ~.~
God, please guide me to the right path. Give me that motivation to carry on when everything seems wrong.
Bless the people around me, protect then, be it those that are close to me and as well as those i barely talk to, my acquaintance and also the strangers that i've yet to meet. You're the greatest of all.
Thank You, God for this wednesday, gonna do something meaningful with the rest of my day.
With lots of love,
J <3
Roller coaster.
Dear God,
I didn't really count the number of this so called letters to You anymore because i know, soon, i will lost count. Actually i already having trouble with it now.. Hehehe
Before i go to sleep, i just have some things bothering my mind now.
Actually not really bothering, just some things i wanna to tell You. :)
Just now i watched a video on youtube regarding the steepest roller coaster in Japan, i think i'll cry if i was to sit on it, it's 43 Metres if i'm not wrong and there's this point at the climax i think where it will slow down and then reach the steepest point and go as per normal rate. That's the scariest part ever.
I think life is like that right, like a rooler coaster.
There will be some points in life that are steeper than the rest, more challenging, more exciting. We may be struggling with it, trying to overcome the stress that was overwhelming us but in the end, everything will work out. :)
I really hope my positive attitude will last me longer than i ever can imagine, because i really need that. I can't depend on anyone but myself, to motivate myself, to see things from brighter perspective, to stay happy, ro accept the reality and simply to fight for what i want and live my life to fullest.
Hmm.. God, do you know that i care about the people around me more than anything else? Though at times, most of the times i may not tell them, or show it to them. I don't go around texting them every single day or even those i seldom talk to, i do pay attention to them, example through facebook, twitter, their attitude, the way they behave or what others said about them. Though i may appear to be plain ignorant, but i do care about every single one of them because all i want them to know is "they are never alone". The road may be bleak, they may lost their way, they may be on the verge to break down, i just want them to know that they will always have a pillar of support (me) for them whenever they need me. :)
Sounds cliche, huh? But well, that's the beautiful truth. :)
I value friendship and my family more than anything else. :)
I already did a grave mistake in the past, i'm trying to correct it and i don't wanna history to repeat itself. You know, God, every single day, every moment, i'm trying my very best not to look back even if my past tap my shoulder because i know i must move on, i shall not be crippled or be prisoner of my past. :)
Hmm.. God, i wanna do something for CNY, but i've got no idea what to do.. And for celebration, so many people planning to meet up on next next saturday, guess i've got to prioritise.. But either way, I WANNA EVERYONE TO HAVE A HAPPIE HAPPIE HAPPIE CELEBRATIONS! :) :)
Thank you for this moment, okay, time to sleep! Hehehe
I LOVE YOU MANY MANY GOD!
j <3
I didn't really count the number of this so called letters to You anymore because i know, soon, i will lost count. Actually i already having trouble with it now.. Hehehe
Before i go to sleep, i just have some things bothering my mind now.
Actually not really bothering, just some things i wanna to tell You. :)
Just now i watched a video on youtube regarding the steepest roller coaster in Japan, i think i'll cry if i was to sit on it, it's 43 Metres if i'm not wrong and there's this point at the climax i think where it will slow down and then reach the steepest point and go as per normal rate. That's the scariest part ever.
I think life is like that right, like a rooler coaster.
There will be some points in life that are steeper than the rest, more challenging, more exciting. We may be struggling with it, trying to overcome the stress that was overwhelming us but in the end, everything will work out. :)
I really hope my positive attitude will last me longer than i ever can imagine, because i really need that. I can't depend on anyone but myself, to motivate myself, to see things from brighter perspective, to stay happy, ro accept the reality and simply to fight for what i want and live my life to fullest.
Hmm.. God, do you know that i care about the people around me more than anything else? Though at times, most of the times i may not tell them, or show it to them. I don't go around texting them every single day or even those i seldom talk to, i do pay attention to them, example through facebook, twitter, their attitude, the way they behave or what others said about them. Though i may appear to be plain ignorant, but i do care about every single one of them because all i want them to know is "they are never alone". The road may be bleak, they may lost their way, they may be on the verge to break down, i just want them to know that they will always have a pillar of support (me) for them whenever they need me. :)
Sounds cliche, huh? But well, that's the beautiful truth. :)
I value friendship and my family more than anything else. :)
I already did a grave mistake in the past, i'm trying to correct it and i don't wanna history to repeat itself. You know, God, every single day, every moment, i'm trying my very best not to look back even if my past tap my shoulder because i know i must move on, i shall not be crippled or be prisoner of my past. :)
Hmm.. God, i wanna do something for CNY, but i've got no idea what to do.. And for celebration, so many people planning to meet up on next next saturday, guess i've got to prioritise.. But either way, I WANNA EVERYONE TO HAVE A HAPPIE HAPPIE HAPPIE CELEBRATIONS! :) :)
Thank you for this moment, okay, time to sleep! Hehehe
I LOVE YOU MANY MANY GOD!
j <3
My post for today!
Dear God, i didn't get to write last night or today til now.. I'm feeling pretty lost now, feel like losing myself.
I was either keep on questioning myself or i'll just stare into the empty space. ~.~
What's happening to me?
That's the question i want to know too..
Hmm.. Today, i was late for my project meet up, woke up at 9+ when i'm supposed to be in school by 10am. But glad that my clique is made up of friendsly, lovable kind people! Hehehe then we went to find teacher about pur project and turns out that we chose the wrong company! Luckily the ones that needed to the changes is only 2 of us and not all.. I guess life is like that right, you got lost, but it's never to late to walk back to the right path.. Thank God for the friendly relief tutor too! ) (my clique claims that he is so cutethat they wanna pinch him whenever they see him, bunch of jokers! Hahaha ) i was really looking forward to see my tutor when i heard that (i had food poisoning the other day, so i skipped his lesson) and it turns out that he is no where near cute but friendly though. :)
Then today, i also got back my CRS essay, not that satisfying but was alright, gonna give my very best for the presentation, which will be in 3 weeks time! It's been some time since my last presentation! (nervous mode on!)
My crs topic is on smoking, up til now, i don't get it why people smoke.. What benefit do they get from it? I think those who smoke are just trying to escape from reality, they try to convince themselves that they get some kind of "relief" or "de-stress" from the pressure that they are facing, but seriously there are other better ways to deal with your stress...
Hmmm.. Then met Meiyan for some korea food at jurong east, chit chat then went back home.. Otw home, took the circle line and i over-slept! ;( decided to go to bishan to walk around for awhile, so in the end, i reached home at 9+pm (first to be home!) when i ended school at 5pm.. Thinking back, i think i kinda wasted my time today though, don't know what i've been spending my time on..
Feel like going for a jog tmr, hopefully can! :)
Hmm.. God, i've got no idea how my CNY celebration will be like.. But i know, U always have wonderful plan for me.. :)
And when i say that i prefer to be alone at times, i know i'm not really alone because i always have U. :)
Thank You for this Tuesday. :)
With lots of love,
j <3
I was either keep on questioning myself or i'll just stare into the empty space. ~.~
What's happening to me?
That's the question i want to know too..
Hmm.. Today, i was late for my project meet up, woke up at 9+ when i'm supposed to be in school by 10am. But glad that my clique is made up of friendsly, lovable kind people! Hehehe then we went to find teacher about pur project and turns out that we chose the wrong company! Luckily the ones that needed to the changes is only 2 of us and not all.. I guess life is like that right, you got lost, but it's never to late to walk back to the right path.. Thank God for the friendly relief tutor too! ) (my clique claims that he is so cutethat they wanna pinch him whenever they see him, bunch of jokers! Hahaha ) i was really looking forward to see my tutor when i heard that (i had food poisoning the other day, so i skipped his lesson) and it turns out that he is no where near cute but friendly though. :)
Then today, i also got back my CRS essay, not that satisfying but was alright, gonna give my very best for the presentation, which will be in 3 weeks time! It's been some time since my last presentation! (nervous mode on!)
My crs topic is on smoking, up til now, i don't get it why people smoke.. What benefit do they get from it? I think those who smoke are just trying to escape from reality, they try to convince themselves that they get some kind of "relief" or "de-stress" from the pressure that they are facing, but seriously there are other better ways to deal with your stress...
Hmmm.. Then met Meiyan for some korea food at jurong east, chit chat then went back home.. Otw home, took the circle line and i over-slept! ;( decided to go to bishan to walk around for awhile, so in the end, i reached home at 9+pm (first to be home!) when i ended school at 5pm.. Thinking back, i think i kinda wasted my time today though, don't know what i've been spending my time on..
Feel like going for a jog tmr, hopefully can! :)
Hmm.. God, i've got no idea how my CNY celebration will be like.. But i know, U always have wonderful plan for me.. :)
And when i say that i prefer to be alone at times, i know i'm not really alone because i always have U. :)
Thank You for this Tuesday. :)
With lots of love,
j <3
Monday, January 16, 2012
So disappointed.
Dear God,
No words can describe how i'm feeling now.
I know You know.
You know the feeling you get when you tried so hard to make things at least a lil better.
The feeling when things are so hard yet you are still convincing yourself that it will get better.
The feeling when the results are just simply far from your expectations.
The feeling when you don't wanna disappoint the people around you but you just simply don't know what to do.
When you try again and again and again and again, all left in the end is "you got all tired".
Today i had Cost paper, i tried to prepare for it since the past few days. But the paper was such a killer.
Not enough time to complete it, careless mistakes right from the beginning, no time to check it, we barely have time to think. I guess the paper today is just like life, sometimes we've no time to think but we've got to act fast, we've got no idea what's the results but still we didn't give up and try to finish as much as possible til the end of time.
After the demoralising paper, the girls and i went to have ice cream at baskin robins at Clementi Mall. All we've got to do is to "like" the page on fb and get an ice cream voucher..
I had the "bombshell blondie", pretty sweet but i guess i'll need that to make me feel happie a lil today. At least something went right today that i got to spend a lil time with the clique. (i was rushing for my ITP briefing today, didn't even know that existed, not til my clique tried to contact me).
I'm pretty excited for ITP though, 8 weeks.
What should i wear for first day of work? Hehehe
I hope the people will be great and awesome ones.
But this 8 weeks gonna be the door to my future, it's gonna determine my future, i'll have a glimpse of what my future will be like..
Excited much, though scared.
Oh yeah, God.
Recently, my clique (class, the sims, sec school), we all seems to be drifting apart. Everyone is busy with their stuffs and we seem to be losing our "common" topics. Guess, everyone 's mood is not that good recently,
Just wanna them to know that I care for them though i'm not 24/7 beside them or constantly talking to them.
Considering, recently i've been having this laziness to reply or contact anyone on hp. Well, i'll still talk to them if they contact me coz when someone contact me that means he/she needs someone to talk to or even simply a listener, if not why would that someone call/text me at the first place right? :)
I welcome anyone who needs that "listening ear", feel free to drop me a text or call me if you wanna. :)
And yeah, always bear this in your mind, "YOU ARE NEVER ALONE". :)
I know i'm never alone too, coz i have You. :)
Oh yeah, i'm otw to Bugis now to meet mom n sis for dinner. Gonna look look see see for more CNY stuffs. :)
I pray that everyone may have a good break, a good celebration and i feel like having a meaningful celebration, gonna decide on this later on. :) feel like doing some volunteering thingy or at least, accompany the old folks or children or something.. I shall search about it when i got home. :)
Not everyone is as fortunate as some of us.
If can make a difference in others' lives, why no?
Just reached Bugis.
Thank You, God for this monday, not a good one but definitely has taught me a lot.
With lots of love,
J <3
No words can describe how i'm feeling now.
I know You know.
You know the feeling you get when you tried so hard to make things at least a lil better.
The feeling when things are so hard yet you are still convincing yourself that it will get better.
The feeling when the results are just simply far from your expectations.
The feeling when you don't wanna disappoint the people around you but you just simply don't know what to do.
When you try again and again and again and again, all left in the end is "you got all tired".
Today i had Cost paper, i tried to prepare for it since the past few days. But the paper was such a killer.
Not enough time to complete it, careless mistakes right from the beginning, no time to check it, we barely have time to think. I guess the paper today is just like life, sometimes we've no time to think but we've got to act fast, we've got no idea what's the results but still we didn't give up and try to finish as much as possible til the end of time.
After the demoralising paper, the girls and i went to have ice cream at baskin robins at Clementi Mall. All we've got to do is to "like" the page on fb and get an ice cream voucher..
I had the "bombshell blondie", pretty sweet but i guess i'll need that to make me feel happie a lil today. At least something went right today that i got to spend a lil time with the clique. (i was rushing for my ITP briefing today, didn't even know that existed, not til my clique tried to contact me).
I'm pretty excited for ITP though, 8 weeks.
What should i wear for first day of work? Hehehe
I hope the people will be great and awesome ones.
But this 8 weeks gonna be the door to my future, it's gonna determine my future, i'll have a glimpse of what my future will be like..
Excited much, though scared.
Oh yeah, God.
Recently, my clique (class, the sims, sec school), we all seems to be drifting apart. Everyone is busy with their stuffs and we seem to be losing our "common" topics. Guess, everyone 's mood is not that good recently,
Just wanna them to know that I care for them though i'm not 24/7 beside them or constantly talking to them.
Considering, recently i've been having this laziness to reply or contact anyone on hp. Well, i'll still talk to them if they contact me coz when someone contact me that means he/she needs someone to talk to or even simply a listener, if not why would that someone call/text me at the first place right? :)
I welcome anyone who needs that "listening ear", feel free to drop me a text or call me if you wanna. :)
And yeah, always bear this in your mind, "YOU ARE NEVER ALONE". :)
I know i'm never alone too, coz i have You. :)
Oh yeah, i'm otw to Bugis now to meet mom n sis for dinner. Gonna look look see see for more CNY stuffs. :)
I pray that everyone may have a good break, a good celebration and i feel like having a meaningful celebration, gonna decide on this later on. :) feel like doing some volunteering thingy or at least, accompany the old folks or children or something.. I shall search about it when i got home. :)
Not everyone is as fortunate as some of us.
If can make a difference in others' lives, why no?
Just reached Bugis.
Thank You, God for this monday, not a good one but definitely has taught me a lot.
With lots of love,
J <3
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Today is Monday, my 5th, is it?
Good Morning, God. Hehe
So basically i skipped morning classes today. ~.~
Well, gonna catch-up on that when today's over. For now, i shall stay focus on cost paper.
COST PAPER. COST PAPER. COST PAPER.
Hmm.. There will be times when my past poly year haunts me, the fact that i think i've chosen the wrong course, sad right.
I always thought that, this is the best course for me as it gives the promising future, better job prospects. But sadly, it might not lead to my dream comes true.
Aiyooooo, no point talking about that right, God?
see, told ya, I NEED TO STAY FOCUS.
And one thing i dislike at home is "MY MOM LIKES TO TALK SUPER OUT LOUD ON THE PHONE".. Zzzz why can't just talk normally? Okay, that's my mom.
But still, thanks God for mom. :)
Okayy, God. I shall continue with the rest of my day today! :)
I wish the people around me will hve a good day on this bluey black Monday! :)
Thank You, God for today.
With lots of love,
J <3
So basically i skipped morning classes today. ~.~
Well, gonna catch-up on that when today's over. For now, i shall stay focus on cost paper.
COST PAPER. COST PAPER. COST PAPER.
Hmm.. There will be times when my past poly year haunts me, the fact that i think i've chosen the wrong course, sad right.
I always thought that, this is the best course for me as it gives the promising future, better job prospects. But sadly, it might not lead to my dream comes true.
Aiyooooo, no point talking about that right, God?
see, told ya, I NEED TO STAY FOCUS.
And one thing i dislike at home is "MY MOM LIKES TO TALK SUPER OUT LOUD ON THE PHONE".. Zzzz why can't just talk normally? Okay, that's my mom.
But still, thanks God for mom. :)
Okayy, God. I shall continue with the rest of my day today! :)
I wish the people around me will hve a good day on this bluey black Monday! :)
Thank You, God for today.
With lots of love,
J <3
Before i go to lala land.
Dear God,
It's me again. I don't think i should restrict myself with one blog entry / a letter per day, i'll just write whenever i can to talk to you. :)
The time now is 3:17am, i just done with studying for Cost. Yeah, the time has come, in 14 hours more i'll sit for the paper. I'll give my very best shot just for you, though i was demoralise recently with my results but oh well, i've got to pick myself up for this last 1 year + of my poly life. :)
Thank You God for giving me this chance to study in singapore. Though sometimes i wonder, how could i actually stay here for the past 7 years or so. I have never ever thought of studying in singapore when i was young but yeah, here i'm pursuing my studies and gonna make my dream comes true (though i haven't really sure with what my real dream is). But for now, i'm just gonna try my vwry best with everything that You allow to happen in my life. :)
Oh ya, God. I want to pray to You to keep me focus. I'm getting distracted with my surroundings. Its difficult to control, please guide me along, God.
Before i go and sleep, i just want to say thanks to You, though i won't be able to list down one by one all the blessings i have received til this very second, but still thank you for my imperfectly perfect parents (they may have separated for quite some time already but they are still one in my heart), thank you for my siblings (though they are getting more and more irritating day by day but i still love them. :) ), thank you for the friends that you have given me, be it close friends, best friends, sisters, brothers, classmates, schoolmates, cca-mates, acquaintance, each and every one of them. Thank You, God. Some of them may be on their rough part of their lives, Please help them God. Help them to pass through this tough time, give them strength to carry on, give them wisdom to make the best decision they can ever make, give them comfort, shower them with love and care so that they know they are never alone for there will always be people around them supporting them.
I want to pray for my classmates and my DAC cohort who will be sitting dor Cost paper later on at 5:10pm, i pray that we'll be able to give our best, may we be able to remember what qas taught and what was learnt.
Later gonna be a long day in school and it's only Monday. Okay, stay positive!
Thank You, God. :)
With lots of love,
J <3
It's me again. I don't think i should restrict myself with one blog entry / a letter per day, i'll just write whenever i can to talk to you. :)
The time now is 3:17am, i just done with studying for Cost. Yeah, the time has come, in 14 hours more i'll sit for the paper. I'll give my very best shot just for you, though i was demoralise recently with my results but oh well, i've got to pick myself up for this last 1 year + of my poly life. :)
Thank You God for giving me this chance to study in singapore. Though sometimes i wonder, how could i actually stay here for the past 7 years or so. I have never ever thought of studying in singapore when i was young but yeah, here i'm pursuing my studies and gonna make my dream comes true (though i haven't really sure with what my real dream is). But for now, i'm just gonna try my vwry best with everything that You allow to happen in my life. :)
Oh ya, God. I want to pray to You to keep me focus. I'm getting distracted with my surroundings. Its difficult to control, please guide me along, God.
Before i go and sleep, i just want to say thanks to You, though i won't be able to list down one by one all the blessings i have received til this very second, but still thank you for my imperfectly perfect parents (they may have separated for quite some time already but they are still one in my heart), thank you for my siblings (though they are getting more and more irritating day by day but i still love them. :) ), thank you for the friends that you have given me, be it close friends, best friends, sisters, brothers, classmates, schoolmates, cca-mates, acquaintance, each and every one of them. Thank You, God. Some of them may be on their rough part of their lives, Please help them God. Help them to pass through this tough time, give them strength to carry on, give them wisdom to make the best decision they can ever make, give them comfort, shower them with love and care so that they know they are never alone for there will always be people around them supporting them.
I want to pray for my classmates and my DAC cohort who will be sitting dor Cost paper later on at 5:10pm, i pray that we'll be able to give our best, may we be able to remember what qas taught and what was learnt.
Later gonna be a long day in school and it's only Monday. Okay, stay positive!
Thank You, God. :)
With lots of love,
J <3
4th letter.
Dear God,
I guess i'm the worst sista ever, i forgot that today is my bro's bday.
I'm not referring to my eldest bro though but my bro who has been given to my aunt since he was young. Hmmm.. HAPPIE BDAY TO U. Guess you are having a great time at indo now.
Though you are not aware of this truth , guess all we can do is to see you from afar, to keep you in our prayers.
God, thank you for another year that You've given him.
Please protect and guide him whenever he goes to.
Though me n him are not close but still we are related in blood.
In this situation, i'll always think of my mom. Back then, it must be very painful to give her flesh and blood up. Some may say that she is selfish, heartless.
But you know what, God, my mom is the best hero in my heart. She has done a lot for this family. Her doing that is with reasons too. It must have been hard to have him calling her "auntie" instead of mom.
She not revealing the truth, is very thoughtful of her too, she doesn't wanna to disturb his peaceful life now. We all know that he has a promising future, good life now, so there's no good in telling him either.
But yeah, he is still part of us. Bless him, God. Thank you.
With lots of love,
J <3
I guess i'm the worst sista ever, i forgot that today is my bro's bday.
I'm not referring to my eldest bro though but my bro who has been given to my aunt since he was young. Hmmm.. HAPPIE BDAY TO U. Guess you are having a great time at indo now.
Though you are not aware of this truth , guess all we can do is to see you from afar, to keep you in our prayers.
God, thank you for another year that You've given him.
Please protect and guide him whenever he goes to.
Though me n him are not close but still we are related in blood.
In this situation, i'll always think of my mom. Back then, it must be very painful to give her flesh and blood up. Some may say that she is selfish, heartless.
But you know what, God, my mom is the best hero in my heart. She has done a lot for this family. Her doing that is with reasons too. It must have been hard to have him calling her "auntie" instead of mom.
She not revealing the truth, is very thoughtful of her too, she doesn't wanna to disturb his peaceful life now. We all know that he has a promising future, good life now, so there's no good in telling him either.
But yeah, he is still part of us. Bless him, God. Thank you.
With lots of love,
J <3
3rd.
Dear God,
I'm back from Church few hours ago. Home alone again, while mom n sis are at bugis shopping. ;( i have CA for Cost tomorrow (i guess i've repeatedly said this for don't know how many times this few days already).
I know You know, Lord.
That i'm still struggling day by day to let go. It's difficult.
But I believe, U know the best, U will always give me the best.
I've got no idea what's in him, i just simply can't forget him.
He crosses my mind, every single day, despite us not in talking term for don't know how long already. At first, i thought it'll be better if we don't communicate, so i'll forget about him even more faster than that but inwas wrong.
You can't control feelings. Is this what do you call "True Love"?
But what's "True Love"?
Not expecting a return from him, yeah, i don't. I just hope that he is happy. :)
Though it hurts. Do you know God, Since that day, things started to change, people thinks that i was drowning my sorrow by crying, but they were wrong. They didn't know that this hurt more than that.
That torturing feeling, killing me from the inside, when i know i'm hurt but yet i can't cry it out. I wanna cry it out to make me feel better, but i just can't.
I don't wanna to hold on to you, i don't wanna to make you feel guilty, becUse you do not have to. The problem lies on me and not you.
But yeah, i still ask myself "what webt wrong?"
Not all love story ends with a happy ending.
Though people around me may leave me but i know You won't, God. I miss the time when me n him text or chat about every single thing under the sun, every single day. But not to worry, i have You now, God. When i'm lonely, i'll just write to You.
Thank you, God.
with lots of love,
Juveline <3
I'm back from Church few hours ago. Home alone again, while mom n sis are at bugis shopping. ;( i have CA for Cost tomorrow (i guess i've repeatedly said this for don't know how many times this few days already).
I know You know, Lord.
That i'm still struggling day by day to let go. It's difficult.
But I believe, U know the best, U will always give me the best.
I've got no idea what's in him, i just simply can't forget him.
He crosses my mind, every single day, despite us not in talking term for don't know how long already. At first, i thought it'll be better if we don't communicate, so i'll forget about him even more faster than that but inwas wrong.
You can't control feelings. Is this what do you call "True Love"?
But what's "True Love"?
Not expecting a return from him, yeah, i don't. I just hope that he is happy. :)
Though it hurts. Do you know God, Since that day, things started to change, people thinks that i was drowning my sorrow by crying, but they were wrong. They didn't know that this hurt more than that.
That torturing feeling, killing me from the inside, when i know i'm hurt but yet i can't cry it out. I wanna cry it out to make me feel better, but i just can't.
I don't wanna to hold on to you, i don't wanna to make you feel guilty, becUse you do not have to. The problem lies on me and not you.
But yeah, i still ask myself "what webt wrong?"
Not all love story ends with a happy ending.
Though people around me may leave me but i know You won't, God. I miss the time when me n him text or chat about every single thing under the sun, every single day. But not to worry, i have You now, God. When i'm lonely, i'll just write to You.
Thank you, God.
with lots of love,
Juveline <3
Saturday, January 14, 2012
My 2nd letter
Dear God, i don't know what's on my mind now. I guess coz its just too many things going on in there that make me confused once in a while.
Tomorrow is my Cost CA2 paper, i know i'm not ready yet somehow but i'll still give my very best shot for it.
You know that i kind of regretted going to accountancy right but me staying in there, i know it's Your Plan, Your Beautiful Plan. Give me that strength God, to always depends on you, to always surrender to You.
I don't know why either, i have been feeling lousy, easily irritated and one thing for sure, hating him even more day by day. WHY MUST HE EXIST AT THE FIRST PLACE IN MY LIFE??!!
And all this family problems which are getting no where, it's killingggg me for sure. It seems that it's only me who are constantly thinking about it. My sis is so irritating at times, so am i supposed to accept her for who she is? But HOW, God? She treats outsiders so much better than her own family. When she is outside, she will never raise her voice, show black face, etc. but when she is home, it's different ball game all together.
Today i had mom's home cooked food for lunch. It's 1pm now, i shall go and start preparing now then.
Thanks God for today, til this very second.
I love You, God.
With lots of love,
Juveline <3
Tomorrow is my Cost CA2 paper, i know i'm not ready yet somehow but i'll still give my very best shot for it.
You know that i kind of regretted going to accountancy right but me staying in there, i know it's Your Plan, Your Beautiful Plan. Give me that strength God, to always depends on you, to always surrender to You.
I don't know why either, i have been feeling lousy, easily irritated and one thing for sure, hating him even more day by day. WHY MUST HE EXIST AT THE FIRST PLACE IN MY LIFE??!!
And all this family problems which are getting no where, it's killingggg me for sure. It seems that it's only me who are constantly thinking about it. My sis is so irritating at times, so am i supposed to accept her for who she is? But HOW, God? She treats outsiders so much better than her own family. When she is outside, she will never raise her voice, show black face, etc. but when she is home, it's different ball game all together.
Today i had mom's home cooked food for lunch. It's 1pm now, i shall go and start preparing now then.
Thanks God for today, til this very second.
I love You, God.
With lots of love,
Juveline <3
1st letter.
Dear God, this is my first letter to You. Today, during PETRAS, we watched "letters to God", i know it's not coincidence that we watched but instead U have planned it longgggg ago before we were brought to this world. When i watched it, i teared. U know it's difficult for me to cry when i watched movies, but I did. This movie reminded me about U, how far i've drifted away from U. As disappointed as i can be with myself, but I know U never left, U are always there protecting me, waiting for me to come back to U. Here i'm God. Secondly, it reminded me of the people i carefor especially my mom, dad, bro and sis. I have this never-ending fears. About my mom who today felt that her body wasn't feeling that well, i thank U god because U have been giving her strengths to move on til this very second. Thank you, Lord. Sometimes i feel that i'm such a failure daughter, all i know is to ignore her when i didn't get what i want, despite knowing it doesn't feel good to be ignored. ;'( today when i went up to made the hot drink for her, the usual question will pop out, "why me? Why not my oter sibling?" yeah, my sis was there. But then again, why be so calculating? Why is it if it's strangers the one who's sick, i'll be willing to do it without complaining? But when it comes to my own family, i complain and complain? Moving on to about my dad, i've gor no idea what's going on to him, sad right? But bro said that they are doing alright there. I'm a bad daughter because i don't know that my dad is in difficulty yet i judge him, i lectured him, i pushed him into the corner. Sorry, Dad. Dear god, please protect my dad too. May he sees the lights in You. I miss him, my only wish is that he can go back to mom, though it seems to be impossible, but nothing is impossible in U, i believe that God. I just hope that monster won't come and disturb my dad's life, my life, my family's life. Please God, let those devils be far away from my family. I pray for my siblings, bro and sis, though we are not that close, but we know that we still care and love each other.
I pray that may my family be re-united, live together just like a normal family. I love my family.
I'm going to sleep now, God.
Good Night. <3
With lots of love and sadness,
juveline
I pray that may my family be re-united, live together just like a normal family. I love my family.
I'm going to sleep now, God.
Good Night. <3
With lots of love and sadness,
juveline
LETTERS TO GOD.
From today onwards, I'll start to write to God. Though I normally alr did, as in i normally type out what's on my mind but from now on, i'll try to focus on God as my reader and tell him about everything that happens in my life. I wanna learn from Tyler, always see things from the positive point of view in life.
This is my story, here we go......
This is my story, here we go......
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