This post is for ya, N.

Dear N,

I've got no idea what's happening to you, though we don't really know each other that well.

And yeah, i do read your blog, not regularly though. 

Such as just now, i was reading through your recent post and came across about the op thing, i've got no idea what you are going through but for sure it's not a happy thing.

Thinking back, i think we kind of like try to get to know each other when we first met. 

It went off quite well til D came into the picture.

Back then, I was angry, maybe to you, or maybe more to myself.

Pretty stupid though, we lost that precious thing, that friendship.  

All because of a guy, was that really worth it?

If i could turn back time, I'll just accept it, the fact that you two are doing well together, after all I can't force love. 

If you two are meant to be together, You'll find the way back, You'll be together in the end.

I wasn't a good friend, right? ;( sorry for that.

Okayyy, I wasn't really wanted to talk about that. 

Guess this cliche line I've been saying to people around me, I've got to say it to you too.

" You are not Alone, Never Alone. "

When I type this, I say it, I really mean it. 

We are not friends for like what 5 years? 10 years? 

We may not be close as siblings

I don't know much about you

I'm not the one going through what you are going through

But, i just want you to know that, I do care about you.

And if you ask, why is that so? Is it true genuine care or i'm just a busybody girl who wanna to poke her nose to everybody's business?

To be honest, I really hope we can be friends as how we used to be, started off as strangers, learning to communicate with one another, texting and sharing with each other.

I always believe that, you were once in my life before, there's a purpose and reason to it. 

I don't know what's the reason though, but still, I wanna do my best to be your pillar of support, to be your listening ear, to be your shoulder to lean on, to be a friend who you can rely on.

Reading through your posts, somehow, in one way or another, you are struggling with yourself.

You are going through your tough moments in life, one after another.

If you are reading this, I want you to know that, you can always share it with me, you can text me, call me, FB message me, Twitter DM me, email me or even mail me. 

I may not understand what you are going through, but just to share with you, i know how u feel, somehow.

The fear of losing someone, your loved ones. Will they even care?

The fear of leaving this world, Will anyone even notice it? Will anyone feel sad?

The fear of losing the people around you, one by one, because they may get tired of your countless drama. 

The fear of going to sleep and have got no idea whether you'll open your eyes again the next day.

My mom has heart problems. She has been eating 10+ pills Each day. She is supposed to go for operation, she has been dragging this for like what, 3 years? 4 or even 5 years? 

No one keeps track of that anymore, but once my mom feels uneasy, having problems just to sleep at night, can't even walk far (there was this period when she can't even climb up the stairs to our house). She was admitted to hospital twice during my O Levels year. 

Before my exams, i can say, EVERY SINGLE paper that I have taken, normally a few days before it, there will be major things happening to my mom.

Such as admitted to hospital, fainted at home, having problems breathing, can't even walk as her legs are swollen, having her complaining about how she feels that it's the end of all this already.

I, too have my fears, just like you, I fear of losing my precious ones. 

So, Why didn't my mom go for the operation? Why keeps on postponing?

It's because my mom is not PR, the cost of it is so high, my mom rather use the money for our necessities, such as studies (her 3 children), housing, food, etc. She sacrifices her life and only rely on medicines and regular check up like what 2 months once?

Its better to go for the op, ASAP, the success rates are higher because as you postponed it, your body will grow weaker day by day. So if you have the means to go for op, why no?

Whether it's a success or not, it's all fated. (I'll be praying for you too.) 

You are still young, you have a bright future ahead. Each one of us has our own strengths and weaknesses. You have talents, make full use of it. You have family who loves you, friends who care for you. You've got to fight this tough battle, give it your very best and win it with glory.

Why surrender when you are yet to give your very best?

After all, the decision is still in your hand, as a friend of yours, I just hope that you'll consider doing the op. 

I'll be here for you, Forever and Always.