i don't even know what's on my mind

Dear God,
it's so frustrating when i don't even know what i'm frustrated about.
is it because i'm worried?
is it because i'm scared?
is it because i'm confused?
i don't know.
hopeless.
helpless.
useless.
not knowing what the outcome will be.
feeling unwanted.
all those negative thoughts.

sorry God, i know i've to surrender all to You.
for You will give the best for this family.
u know what's mom is going through God.
help her, strengthen her, heal her.
though she nags 24/7, she shouts n screams at us, she got pissed off, she shows favouritism but still, she is the best mom I could ever asked for.

i love her, God.

recently, she keeps saying things like "what will happen to bro or us if she's gone."
i dont even dare to imagine it God.

You know the operation she will be going through, it's not any small minor opt, its a major critical one.
i pray to You God.
heal her God for You are the best healer of All healers.

i surrender my life to You.
thank You God.
lots of love,
J. <3