it's gone and left.

Dear God,
it's Sunday, 29th.
on my way to Jojo mom's wake. ;'(
it's a tough year for her, I don't exactly how it feels but God, strengthen her.
She needs You.

though we don't update about each other's lives every single day, we try to meet up once in awhile but we both knows that we have each other.
she is the one that knows how scared i was about mom.
we can relate to each other, though we can do nothing about it but we have each other, and thats all that matters.
we send encouraging texts to each other, making it worthwhile to carry on.

God, I pray for Jojo and her family.
especially her younger sister who is still very young and clinging to her mom.

it's very very tough, to suddenly lost a wife, a mom, a hero in their lives. i can't imagine how painful it is but all of us are gonna to experience this. it's only a matter of time.
for every ending is a new beginning.
things end so that better things can take place.
letting go of what's gone and cherishing the remains.

every second, alot of people are dying somewhere else on another part of the world.

I pray for those who are being left behind.

God, I know You are Great.

Lots of love,
J. <3

whats new.

Dear God,
i really need to straighten out my thoughts and my mood.
it's getting from bad to worse. ;(

I guess it's just this week, when things are continuously bringing me down. when things don't go the way i want it or at least how the ideal way should be. the pushing of responsibility to one another. doing things with no purpose to it. getting tired from all the same routines. arguing and raising our voices without resolving the main problems. running away by keeping ourselves busy.

why can't people be more understanding and think if you are. in my shoes, what would you do?

anyway, i'm otw to church. i'm very lateeee alr. okay, apart from that, on the train. observing this couple. the guy is playing with his phone all along even when the girl was talking to him. the girl looks so excited while the guy was showing indifference look, giving a comment or two and his main attention was on the phone.

guess this is where the prob lies. while gadgets are getting smarter and more advance. human being are ruined by it. less face-to-face communication and that's where problems start coming in.

i'm having motion sickness alr. shall blog again.

though my mood is not that, but thank you, God for still giving me air to breath and everything i need.

lots of love,
J. <3

bobo's bday.

Dear God,
Thank You for another year You have given to bobo. ;)

last Monday we went to Crystal Jade Xiao Long Bao buffet to celebrate her bday! ;)

it's really a blessing to meet her, she never fail to lighten up our moods. hehehe she is such a joker anyway. ;D

though i didn't end well as we didn't know where to head to after meal but what matters most is to have great companions right? ;)

I'm gonna miss my current clique for sure once we graduate.
can't imagine not having constant whatsapp-ing, laughing at our stupid jokes, staying back together, calling each other nicknames, having meals together, gossiping about anythin that we came across. hehehe

anyway, i wish u all the best, bobo!stay happie and cheerful like u always do and don't always keep things to yourself, we, as your sisters are always here for u k! ;)

Glad to have such a good friend like u!
love ya deep deep high high! <3

Thank You, God,
lots of love,
J. <3

i miss sec school.

Dear God,
It's Sunday again.
in a blink of an eye, another week has passed.

yesterday was great, finally met up with the girls; sha, sya and ame. we started reminiscing about how we used to be, laughing about our stupidity and updating each other about our lives.

growing up is pretty scary.

now, we start to think about our future, showing interests towards the opposite party and find the right one.

i have yet to meet mine though. Maybe it's not the time yet, maybe We have yet to cross each others' path or maybe i'm just plain not ready yet.

there'll be times when i envy those couples. what's the use of having a bf anyway? if it's for the fact that to get married and start a family together, isn't it too early to start it now? what if things go wrong, he is not the right one then we break up? isn't thats what happened nowadays? i still don't understand how people can easily change their hearts and say "i love you, bla bla bla" and the next thing we know is they broke up and found a new one.

but at the same time, i long to meet my Mr.Right, someone who is willing to accept me as who i am. someone who i can act silly with, someone who i can trust and we are simply each others' the other halves.

anyway, back to the main topic. i miss secondary school.
now that we are already in poly, itms very difficult to meet up for meals and it's gonna be even more difficult in time to come. ;(
but i really hope that I'll not drift apart from all this awesome people that have crossed the path of my life.

they make me who i am today.
they never leave me.
they are great just the way they are.

thanks, God.
Lots of love,
J. <3

The best i could ever have.

Dear God,
it's Wednesday, half way through this week.
making my way to school as usual, while looking through the photos from the photo taking session yesterday.
there's this barrier in us, 3 years yet we were not as bonded as how we wanted or supposed to be. but, i believe we all have our good n bad moments in poly life.

though DAC/08 wasn't a perfect bonde class as how i once hoped for, but the best i could ever have.

Great Sunday.

Dear God,
it's another brand new week.
i'm glad that i ended my Sunday yesterday with Jess. ;)
went for movie (The Dictator), followed by shopping, starbucks and tried Summer bites (its a new dessert shop at vivo! ;) )

glad that things are back to how it used to be even though certain things have changed.

for things to get better, we've got to put in the effort.

Unplanned plan.

Dear God,
thank You for always Providing the best.
So far, everything is good. ;)

Sometimes unplanned meet ups are more memorable than those planned ones.
today, accompanied mom for her check-up then went to meet Xj for cakes in a jar. as there wasn't much space at the shop itself, we headed to dover instead. he went home and i went to school to meet jess.
we spent some time in school then went to jcube to satisfy our subway cravings. ;) it was jess's first time to visit Jcube. hahaha and then we walked around before we decided to make our way home.

Jcube has nothing much in it, except for the fact that i wanna to try Ice skating but i'll be scared. the picture of someone fallling then the hands got slashed or something due to the sharp edges of the shoes. i don't know, maybe just my imaginations. oh well. hoho

looks like it's gonna rain soon. shall buy banana to try out the cure for acne thingy later on. ;) and i wanna have honeydew for dinner! hehehe

the reserved seats on trains have been left empty recently. what an irony, people start to give up seats because they are afraid to be stomped. like seriously?!

are we being grateful?

Dear God,
Thank You for this morning.
for giving me a chance to prove myself wrong.
that promises made are not meant to be broken.
i know i was wrong yesterday, irresponsible side of me.

anyway, i'm making my way to school as per usual, Bishan Circle Line was flooded then.
on the train, standing with the different individuals, yet everyone seems to have a thing in common.
from the very second they got in the train, they just hope for a seat. be it the younger or older ones. some even will rush in, no matter how pack or empty the train is.
i guess in this 21st century, we take too many things for granted already.

we complain when there is no seat, yet there are a lot of people without shelters. are we being grateful?

we complain when there are long queues everywhere, yet there a lot of needy people out there who don't even have the monetary power to buy things, so are we being grateful?

we complain when we are in class, lecturer or tutor that just won't release us early, but ever think about those children that has no such priviledge to study. Are we being grateful?

We complain about every single little thing possible, without thinking about our brothers and sisters at the other end of the world. if we are complainig, then how should they react to all those?

be sensitive, complain less.

shyt does happens.

Dear God,
This morning supposed to be project meet up at 8am.
why is it so difficult for me to wake up n prepare for 8am stuff but i still make it in sec school?
my habit is getting from bad to worse. ;(
feeling bad but what's done can't be undone right.

seriously, up to now, i've this mixed feeling about poly life.
at some points, when i'm enjoying it, i'll be like over the cloud 9 and think that i'm the most blessed in my class but then again at some point, i think i'm unwanted kind.

u know when people no longer gives a damn about u, ultimately it's my own fault.

who to be blamed anyway?
none but myself.

but then again, they are not in my position, so they have never gone through what i went through.
each one of them comes from a complete family, they will spend time together and all those stuff.
they don't know what it feels to fight your inner evil thoughts each day. having to put up with people u dislike. having to just suck the shyt up (not literally) and see whatever shyt they do. which in the end, will lead me to hate myself and my life for it. shouldn't i learn to be myself? then why should i worry about being dislike or unwanted or appearing to be okay with it when i'm not?

okay, shyt to all this stuff.
i shall get going.
sorry God, i complained alot today.
love ya.

late, again?

Dear God,
it's a rainy Wed.
making my way to school, remembering the promise i made on 1st day of this term.
Not to be late for lessons, not to skip any lessons.
So here comes the regret?
sometimes i don't know what went wrong either, i woke up early and i'm still late. i woke up late, well, thats pretty obvious.
then the thought of skipping class will kick in and yeah, most of the time i'll have to fight my inner thoughts, to make the right decision and go for class.
i still remember in sec school, when i first came, i actually teared for being late for my first lesson, the fear of being late. how about now? it's become indifference of whether i attend class or not.

til now, i wonder what went wrong.
did i made the wrong decision two years back?
is that an excuse or just that I have changed myself?

some time, we need to do some soul searching even if it means at most random time possible like now, when i'm on the train. rushing my way through to school. and by the way, the train is slowing down due to the conjunction ahead. just when i'm alr late, okay, can.

; irritated.

Dear God,
why is this feeling back again?
The unfairness in life, mistreated?
Nah, somehow i just feel that, it's our responsibility anyway, so what's there to bicker about? but then again, isn't it everyone's part to do?

i guess i'm just pretty over protective towards people around me. that's specially for mom. ever since she is sick, i'll tryyyyy not to let her do house chores.

so this morning, i got a lil irritated, because mom is the type of person that must ensure whatever she asked to do, is done almost Immediately. while for me, i just wanna to do whatever i was doing first before i do her stuff. then yeah, i sort of raised my voice, i got irritated easily. i think this only happened at home. you know whn you're outside, you tend to be more patient towards them, after all u are maintaining your image towards the outsiders.

then i walked to mrt, making my way to school. managed to meet sis at the traffic light and i'm pretty sure she saw me but she didn't even bother to say bye. okay, cool. are u the one getting irritated and annoyed now? like seriously? over what?

you come out of the toilet and said he floor is wet, pretty obvious rite? and what's that comment is supposed to be for? waiting for a maid to come and clean up after you? after all this what 5 years, u have yet to learn to be more sensitive and less-selfish?

once we are irritated by something, everything seems to be irritating.

shall not be irritated anymoreeee, i'll try.
oh well, still, i'm thankful up to this very second, God.
at least, i still have whatever i need.
thanks, God.

lots of love,
J. <3